Homework Overheard

Ethan: Do my homework for me!

Gwen: No!

Ethan: Hey Nerd! Do my homework for me or else!

Mom: Hickey isn't a verb.

Dad: No, the verb is "to hoover."

To, with, on, for, of, at. Eeew...

Gwen: I don't like it when people end sentences with prepositions. Mostly 'at.'

Ethan: Wait, how do you end a sentence with 'at'?

Gwen: "What time was it at?"

Dad: "Where were you at?"

Truman: "Where are you going?...at."

Gwen: Where do these go?

(Simultaneously)

Ethan: I don't know what those are.

Truman: Up your nostrils.

I know that "Who are you going with?" sounds less stilted than "With whom are you going?" But still. In many cases that dangling "at" creates an "eeew" in my brain.

When Dad Misbehaves at the Table

Truman: Yak's milk!
Mom: No! They don't strain it or pasteurize it or anything!
Truman: So I'll find some water.
Dad: No, it has yak poop in it.
Mom: Don't say poop at the table!
Dad: I didn't! I said yak poop!
Truman:...poop.

Mountain View Overheard; Also, the O Rock.

Truman: So last Friday, we beat Mountain View in basketball...hugadurgadurghadur aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh.
Gwendolyn: Great story.
Truman: Yeah, that's about it.

If he had a relationship status with Mountain View on Facebook it would be "complicated."

Forgot One

(Trying to get Gwen to laugh)
Tru: ...Bacon...Spinach...Naked...VERY Naked...
Dad: Very naked spinach? Must be one of those youth things.

Tunnels, Booby Traps, and Acetylsalicylic Acid

Truman: What is the short name of acetylsalicylic acid?
Gwen: ...Death Juice?

Ethan: I'm going to booby trap my room.
Dad: 'Booby trap' sounds like a spring loaded bra.
Tru: How long have you waited to say that joke?
Dad: About 47 years.

Truman: (Sadly) My tunnel flooded.
(Ten minutes later)
Mom: I was watching Modern Marvels and they had one on air conditioned, underground tunnels that are used for smuggling.
Ethan: Hey Truman. Their tunnels didn't flood.

Celery and Malefactions

Mom: We got lamb and vegetable balls.
Ethan: Vegetables have balls?
Dad: Yeah there's a bunch of eunuch celery running around.

Gwen: Google doesn't know what 'malefaction' means. I know that it originated in Hamlet but I don't know what it means.
Ethan: It doesn't work for anything!
Gwen: Malefaction?
Ethan: No!