Scrabble and Robinho

Mom: Craggy. You know, like lots of crag.


Jordan: This is a word; I know it: Dorb.


Truman: Robin-ho. He's one of the merrier men.

I see what you did there.

Truman: Tienes hombre?
Gwen: You mean 'hambre?'
Truman: Nope! I meant hombre.

Portugal!

(Ethan upon seeing the heading BYU vs POR)

BYU versus...Portugal!

Yeah But I Meant...Oh Never Mind.

Gwen: Guess what! A person called Perin!
Dad: Yeah. Me.

Old one.

Gwen: How'd you get shot?
Tru: Tripped.

Inventing 'pods.

Tru: I've been sat upon.
Mom: Who's an insefflapod?

Comb'd!

Shopping as a family is hilarious:


(Distressed, scream-like noises in the car)
Gwen: What just happened?
Truman: I'm killing him!...He's combing my arm.

Floop-a-floop and Napalm.

Truman: Facepalm! Napalm from Facebook!

Gwen: The Internet says my body fat is only acceptable...
Mom: Well floop-a-floop the Internet!

Endorsements

Mom: Would you like me to put this check in the bank?
Ethan: Yes please.
Mom: Would you endorse it?
Ethan Yes please. Wait, what?

Truth Slanting

Mom: Don't exaggerate.
Truman: That wasn't an exaggeration, that was a lie!

Charlie Sheen, Chuck Norris, and Jayne Cobb.

(This grew out of a conversation about Charlie Sheen)
Truman: Do drugs make people crazy, or do crazy people do drugs?
Gwen: Debatable. What came first, the phoenix or the flame?
Truman: Chuck Norris.

Truman's impression of the internet giving birth to Jayne Cobb: HUAAAAAAAAAH! HUAAAAAAAAAH! HUAAAAAAAAAH! Jayne.

Kidneys and Ashes

Mom: Did you hear about the kid who sold his kidney for an ipad? It's not good; you can survive with one but you really need two.
Ethan: What about a kidney and an ipad? It could filter stuff for you...
Dad: There's an app for that.

Truman: Did you hear about the guy who broke into a house looking for drugs and ended up sniffing someone's ashes?
Dad: Well if they were Keith Richards' ashes it might have worked.

Morton's Toe

Truman: Your genetics are always poking holes in my socks!

Also,

Truman: Koreans, awaaaaaaaaaaaay!

One Last Overheard at the Highams. Maybe.

John: Remember, lip wrestling is your friend.

France! And...Booboozillas?

Truman and Gwen Team Effort:

Welcome to France class!
You mean French class?
No, I mean France class.

Gwen: I definitely don't miss the vuvuzelas.
Mom: The what?
Gwen: Vuvuzelas.
Mom: Oh, I thought you said 'booboozillas.' They sound scary.

Snow Cones Overheard

Gwen: I'll have the little one, please.
Truman: What? You mean you don't want Mt. Saint Snowcone?

Catholic Chicken?

Katrina: Let's get the rosary chicken!

Gaga

Gwen: Her music is a guilty pleasure.
Jordan: Yeah, more guilt than pleasure.

Chess Overheard

Jordan: I hate it when people checkmate me in chess! It means I lose!

Crack Cocaine and Chocolate Chips

Jordan: These chocolate chips are more addicting than crack cocaine!
September: How would you know?!
Jordan: Because I ate them!


Jordan: Gwen, you're a bad influence. In a good way.

September Overheard

Whoa, this is deep. Eat your corn.

B...No, I can't do it.

Katrina: (To John) If I acted like you you'd lock me in the closet.

Point Blank

Gwen: Why do they say "at point blank range?"
Jordan: I dunno, cuz you point it and then your mind goes blank because you're dead?

John: Are [insert noun and verb of your choice] with love?
My favorite so far: "Were the knots tied with love?"

Highams Overheard: Bugs

(On a bike ride)

Jordan: The bugs have opened heavy fire!!

Special Edition: Overheard at the Higham Residence

Gwen: Please tell me you guys have heard of Weezer.

Jordan: Yeah! Weasley is our King! He never lets the Quaffle in, Weasley is our king!...right?

  I sure like these guys. 
  

Floating Shrubs

This is a little bit older, but:

Truman: Here, look. This tree is Boy. (Blows up the tree) There. Now he's a floating shrub.

Heavenly Throngs

Ethan: Those angels are wearing flip-flops.

Truman: Heavenly throngs, not to be confused with heavenly thongs.

Family: What social niche does Truman fit in?

Truman: I don't fit in any. I'm a social bastard.

Walmart Overheard

Mom: I was gonna kick some Walmart butt!

Truman: Rollback this! POW!

Steak Overheard.

Truman: It's like eating cotton candy! Only it's steak!

Mom: Ew, it reminds me of that thing in Sabriel.

Gwen: The stilken?

Mom: Oh, wait, that was in Lireal.

Gwen: But they mention a stilken in Sabriel.

G+Truman: Once.

Mom: Wow, you guys are nerds!

Late Night Talks with Truman

Tru: You're mean.
Gwen: Why? For laughing at people's discomfort? They laugh at mine.
Tru: That's because your discomfort is funny.

Tru: Sometimes?? Let's be honest. You're like a tornado. You blow up the house. Don't fight it! Embrace it! Embrace your inner tornado!

(So Aaron's not a Blanchard, but I laughed pretty hard so I'm sharing)

Curse Lent! I need caffeine!

Lunatic

Tru: You're a loon.
Gwen: Well you're a lunatic! Ha!
Tru: You're a lunatermite.

Gwen: Do you like my jeans?
Tru: No, I do not like your knees!
Gwen: Hey! Wait, what?! I said jeans not knees!
Tru: Well I was expecting you to say socks and then you said jeans and I just...it was a very bad time in my life.

Homework Overheard

Ethan: Do my homework for me!

Gwen: No!

Ethan: Hey Nerd! Do my homework for me or else!

Mom: Hickey isn't a verb.

Dad: No, the verb is "to hoover."

To, with, on, for, of, at. Eeew...

Gwen: I don't like it when people end sentences with prepositions. Mostly 'at.'

Ethan: Wait, how do you end a sentence with 'at'?

Gwen: "What time was it at?"

Dad: "Where were you at?"

Truman: "Where are you going?...at."

Gwen: Where do these go?

(Simultaneously)

Ethan: I don't know what those are.

Truman: Up your nostrils.

I know that "Who are you going with?" sounds less stilted than "With whom are you going?" But still. In many cases that dangling "at" creates an "eeew" in my brain.

When Dad Misbehaves at the Table

Truman: Yak's milk!
Mom: No! They don't strain it or pasteurize it or anything!
Truman: So I'll find some water.
Dad: No, it has yak poop in it.
Mom: Don't say poop at the table!
Dad: I didn't! I said yak poop!
Truman:...poop.

Mountain View Overheard; Also, the O Rock.

Truman: So last Friday, we beat Mountain View in basketball...hugadurgadurghadur aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh.
Gwendolyn: Great story.
Truman: Yeah, that's about it.

If he had a relationship status with Mountain View on Facebook it would be "complicated."

Forgot One

(Trying to get Gwen to laugh)
Tru: ...Bacon...Spinach...Naked...VERY Naked...
Dad: Very naked spinach? Must be one of those youth things.

Tunnels, Booby Traps, and Acetylsalicylic Acid

Truman: What is the short name of acetylsalicylic acid?
Gwen: ...Death Juice?

Ethan: I'm going to booby trap my room.
Dad: 'Booby trap' sounds like a spring loaded bra.
Tru: How long have you waited to say that joke?
Dad: About 47 years.

Truman: (Sadly) My tunnel flooded.
(Ten minutes later)
Mom: I was watching Modern Marvels and they had one on air conditioned, underground tunnels that are used for smuggling.
Ethan: Hey Truman. Their tunnels didn't flood.

Celery and Malefactions

Mom: We got lamb and vegetable balls.
Ethan: Vegetables have balls?
Dad: Yeah there's a bunch of eunuch celery running around.

Gwen: Google doesn't know what 'malefaction' means. I know that it originated in Hamlet but I don't know what it means.
Ethan: It doesn't work for anything!
Gwen: Malefaction?
Ethan: No!

Harry Potter

Gwen: Avada Kedavra!
Truman: That's not going to fix my shoulder. Get your Madam Pomfrey on, woman!

Overheard in Vegas, or, Wooparagonsh

Mom: Sissy Fork! Sissy Fork! Which is different than American Fork.

Gwen: Is there such thing as an ice cream scoop?
Truman and Dad: No.

Truman: Paragonah?! Sounds like a disease. I've got the Paragonah. There's no hope. It's terminal.

(Discussing the word disgruntled)
Tru: Disgruntled. So can I be gruntled?
Gwen: Sounds like that thing on How to Train Your Dragon. To gruntle: To be hit at full speed with a grunkle.
Tru: No, a gruntle is the noise you make when a grunkle hits you at full speed.

Concerning the Strip:
Gwen: I like it.
Tru: I don't.
Gwen: Well you're a square.
Tru: No, I'm a prude. There's a difference.

Zombies are Awesome.

Over the phone:

Truman: Sorry, I'm thinking about killing zombies.
Gwen: Why?
Truman: Cuz they jump out at me.
Gwen: Are you playing that Dead Space game?
Truman: No.
Gwen: Well what game are you playing?
Truman: I'm playing the slide the paper into the page protector game.